In Your Honor Read online

  “What about Mike and Harry?” Lenny sat up straighter as the stage lights came on and the crowd moved closer to the front.

  “Mike wanted to check out their set-up, so they went backstage to meet the guys and stuff.” Luke rolled his head back and forth, cracking his neck. His movement drew Lenny's attention and she bumped him with her shoulder.

  “Don't worry so much.” She smiled crookedly at him. “I'm sure everything is going to be fine.”

  Luke smiled back, his worries easing slightly. She was his center. His beautiful, perfect calm that he could stand still in forever. He leaned towards her, brushing her lower lip with his thumb, and then captured her in a deeper kiss than he probably should have for the setting they were in. The crowd began to gain volume, and he broke away from her reluctantly to return to the task at hand.

  Taylor Stevens crossed the stage without any fanfare. His stride was even and purposeful, like any man heading to do a day's work. The rest of the band filed out behind him, taking up their posts. Luke recognized Lucy immediately with her wild brown hair and easy stage presence. The bass player wore a bowler hat and the drummer was already shirtless, waving at the screaming ladies up front.

  Taylor approached the microphone. “Thank y'all for coming out tonight.” He was obviously not a showboat. Just a regular guy. But Luke was intrigued.

  The band began their first song and Luke went from being intrigued to blown away. The style was based in Southern Rock but held hints of old blues and a touch of punk. It was unique, to say the least. Song bled into song and the crowd responded to each one with increasing appreciation. Taylor had a powerful stage presence and easily manipulated the audience, taking them high on rock and roll and bringing them back with a soft melody.

  When they switched to a Johnny Cash cover and Lucy sang June's part, Luke got chills. He hadn't heard Lucy sing in a while, and she had gotten better with time. Her father, being the legend that he was, had no doubt passed his talent on to her. Her playing was flawless and the crowd ate it up. They were obviously proud of their homegrown girl.

  That's when Luke felt the heartburn start. He loved this band, the whole package. It was exactly what he had been hoping he'd find. But how was he supposed to ask them to join the tour when it might make his own guitarist lose his sanity?

  ***

  “It's obvious, Luke, you have to do it,” Blake pushed. “You're never gonna find anyone who even compares to that.”

  “I'm not comfortable with this.” Luke shook his head, and Blake laughed in exasperation.

  “I don't know what else I can tell you to convince you. I'm going to be fine.”

  “Blake, I hear what you're saying but I—” Luke tried again.

  “Dude, you're gonna have to trust him,” Mike interrupted. “He's right, this is the band. And we're all willing to put up with Blake's moodiness in order to add them to the bill. That should tell you all you need to know.”

  Luke grit his teeth together and looked at Lenny, who hadn't said anything. They had gathered backstage to have an informal family meeting while Taylor greeted his fans out front. Blake had been more than adamant about the new addition. Luke was the only one who seemed to be worried about what the repercussions of this decision could be. But then again, he was the only one who had ever tried to tour with an ex.

  “I think that if the band has voted then... that's a pretty clear answer.” Lenny bit her bottom lip. Luke knew she wasn't just being diplomatic, she truly believed that.

  “Okay, then.” Luke felt a weight settle on his shoulders as he surrendered to the majority opinion. If this backfired, it could be the last tour for them. Ever. He looked at the faces of the friends that he had grown up with, become an adult with. He didn't want to do anything else with his life. He only wanted to make music with these individuals. He hoped they would survive this next momentous step.

  ***

  Chad the drummer and Stuart the bassist had already left to go pack their bags and say good-bye to their loved ones, leaving Lucy and Taylor alone backstage. She still hadn't said anything since Taylor had told them that they would be leaving day after tomorrow. She was trying to figure out how to tell Taylor that she had to stay behind.

  “I know this is really fast,” Taylor started, his arms crossed over his chest making him look even more intimidating, even though that wasn't his intention.

  “I don't know how I can leave the diner and all that,” Lucy said lamely. She rolled her eyes at herself and decided to be honest. “I have a... history with one of the members of Double Blind Study.” Taylor's face held no expression, so she continued. “I think it would be really awkward, being on the road with him.”

  Taylor frowned at her, and Lucy knew she was stomping all over his hopes and dreams because she was simply too scared to have Blake be a part of her life again. But she couldn't do it. Her heart had been through the wringer with that man too many times. She wasn't sure she'd survive another round. She couldn't explain that to Taylor. Hell, she couldn't explain it to herself. It was too hard.

  “How about you sleep on it,” Taylor finally said. “Really give it some thought. I can probably replace you if I have to,” he paused for effect, “but I don't want to do that.”

  Lucy grimaced. “Fine, I'll call you tomorrow.”

  Taylor responded by giving her a giant bear hug and she felt the life being squeezed out of her.

  “Whatever you decide,” he said in her ear, “I want to thank you for everything you've done so far, it wouldn't have turned out this well tonight without you.” He released her and patted her shoulders twice before heading out the door.

  Lucy swallowed hard, she hated feeling like she was disappointing him. She hadn't known Taylor for very long, but he was the real deal. He was going to go far with his music and for some reason he had decided to include her, long after she had given up on her own dreams.

  She picked up her old guitar in its case and slowly shuffled out the door to where her trusty car waited for her.

  She leaned back against the headrest and shut her eyes.

  She couldn't do it. She had barely made it through the show knowing that Blake was out there somewhere. She couldn't go on the road with him. To have to see him, communicate with him... want him... and never have him. It was too painful, and as masochistic as she'd been in the past, she just couldn't do it again.

  She started the car and planned on going straight home, but she was several miles out of town before she realized where she was. She turned off the main road onto a dirt one and pulled over to the side. She sighed heavily as she looked out the windshield at the full, white moon. What am I doing?

  She unbuckled her seat belt and let herself out of the car. Her feet followed the worn path down to the creek and she took a seat in the soft, red dirt. She stared in silence at the peaceful water, trying to get her heart to shut up so her head could think.

  When she heard footsteps coming down the trail she wasn't startled. No, she expected him to come. He always did.

  Blake took a careful seat next to her and they sat together in silence for a long time. He brought that fresh rain smell with him, and the air around him seemed to crackle with the anticipation of danger and all the things that made her weak.

  “You sounded incredible tonight.” Blake's voice broke the quiet and Lucy felt her eyes begin to burn. Their history, that she had buried alone when he'd left the last time, began to break out of its grave and threaten every coherent thought she had.

  “Where are your handlers?” Lucy asked, not wanting to talk about the music.

  “I snuck out,” Blake chuckled lightly.

  “Some things never change,” she responded heavily.

  Blake reached over, resting a hand on one of hers. She wanted to stop him but she couldn't. Her skin came alive with his touch and she couldn't remember the last time her blood had been awakened so instantly. He slowly turned to face her, bringing his other hand up to brush her hair back and gently clasp her neck.
Her heart beat wildly in her chest and she knew she should stop him, pull away. But she didn't. He ran his thumb along her jaw line as he looked from her eyes to her mouth. She flicked her tongue across her lower lip in response and he leaned in, pausing as his lips brushed hers.

  “Tell me to stop,” he whispered against her mouth.

  But she didn't.

  Chapter 4

  Something I Said

  Blake gently laid Lucy back into the soft dirt, his hand under her head, tangled in her hair. She stared up at him with her deep brown eyes that seemed to swallow him whole.

  He wasn't thinking about the many reasons he shouldn't be here. He wasn't thinking about the promises he'd made to his bandmates just an hour ago. All he was thinking was that he wanted to be here, with her, always.

  He brought his mouth down to hers to kiss her again, deeper this time. Trying to convey to her how much he'd missed her in that single movement. It had been so long, so very long. Her body responded, her hands fisting in his shirt at his sides and pulling him closer. He let his lips leave her mouth, his tongue darting into the indent of her collarbone, then trail over the soft skin of her neck and up her jaw line, one hand moving down her side to grip her hip.

  “My Lucky,” he breathed against the shell of her ear, then returned to her mouth to reclaim it with his own. He felt her body tense underneath him but he tried to ignore it. She turned her head to the side, and pushed against him.

  “No, Blake.” Her voice was firm, bringing him crashing back to reality. He sighed, rolling off of her.

  “I'm sorry,” he said, and hated how he always ended up apologizing to her. His heart was pumping the blood through his veins forcefully and he shuddered as he tried to calm down.

  Lucy sat up slowly, her long hair blocking the expression on her face. But he didn't need to see it to know that it would have been too painful for him to witness anyway. He ground his teeth together, angry at his own selfishness.

  “I don't want to be the reason that you don't join the tour.” He sat up and rested his arms on his knees.

  “How is that even possible?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You're not even in town for twenty-four hours and we've already swept through our catalog of greatest hits of intense emotional overreaction.”

  “I know.” He hung his head between his knees and raked his hair back with his fingers.

  “We're no good for each other, Blake.” Her voice soft. Gentle. All the things he loved about her, saying the thing he hated to hear.

  “I'll stay away.” He stared out across the water, his jaw clenching sporadically. “You won't have to see me. I promise.”

  Her short, sardonic laugh burned his ears. “Like you did tonight? When have you ever kept a promise, Blake? Especially to me?”

  I never stopped loving you. “I'll do my best,” he said instead. “I'm trying to be a better person. I'm just... not very good at it yet.”

  She sighed but didn't respond. Blake wished for the millionth time that he could walk away from her with no regrets. But all he had were regrets where she was concerned. He just couldn't seem to get anything right. He screwed up being with her and he screwed up leaving her. He couldn't win.

  “Please don't let me ruin one more thing for you. I'll keep my distance. This is an amazing opportunity and I think you know you should take it.” He swallowed hard, hoping against hope that he could convince her to at least give it a shot.

  After several minutes, Lucy cleared her throat. “I, uh, I really have to think about it.” She faced him, and he saw the conflict clearly displayed in her expression. It was one of the things he always adored about her; she wore her feelings out in the open. The most honest person he'd ever known.

  “We leave right after tomorrow night's show,” was all he said. He wanted to say more, ask all the questions that he had been dying to know the answers to since he'd seen her in the diner. But, for some reason he couldn't identify, he chose to wait.

  She nodded and bit her lower lip, the silence returning between them. Blake watched a fish jump and he was reminded of all the nights they had spent in this very spot, talking, laughing and kissing until dawn. He closed his eyes and hung his head again. There was no going back to that. Ever.

  “How long are you staying?” Lucy asked, probably replaying the same memories.

  “As long as you let me,” he answered huskily, his throat suddenly raw with the hurt of having to say goodbye again.

  Lucy shifted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. He tentatively put his arm around her waist. She smelled like fresh honeysuckle and he inhaled deeply.

  If she joined the tour he would have to stay away. Because she was too much for him to handle. And God knew how much he loved it.

  ***

  Triny Newton watched the red cloud of dust barreling towards his home, knowing his daughter was in the center of it. She was driving like a bat out of hell and he shook his head. That girl always let her emotions get the better of her.

  He stepped off the porch to meet her in the driveway, having a pretty good idea of why she was coming to see him. The show last night had been newsworthy and he was proud of her. But could he convince her to chase that crazy dream?

  The door to the GTO flung open with a flourish and out stepped his one and only child. She was the spitting image of her mother: long, chocolate hair hung in messy waves with just enough red in it to make it look like she was burning from the inside out; dark, expressive eyes; a smile that could warm the coldest of hearts. Triny recognized the perturbed look on her face and suppressed a chuckle. Only one man in the world could get her that riled up.

  “What has got you out here so early?” he asked, embracing her and noting the grass sticking out of her hair. He plucked at a few blades and raised an eyebrow. “You sleeping outside again?”

  “I have to talk to you,” she said bluntly, ignoring his query.

  “All right, walk with me.” Triny led her down the fence line towards the back pasture. She had her mother's passion and his tenacity, which made for a volatile combination at times.

  “Did you see the show last night?” Lucy asked, falling in step next to him.

  “Of course. You were fantastic, by the way.” He grinned at her sideways and she smiled sheepishly.

  “Taylor got asked to join DBS on tour. Starting immediately.” The words came out in a huff, like she was upset at the sudden turn of events.

  Triny nodded, waiting for her to go on.

  Lucy frowned. “He wants me to come with.”

  “Smart man.” Triny gave his approval, knowing that's not what she wanted to hear.

  Lucy spun toward him and he stopped walking. “Daddy! I can't just leave! Who would take care of the diner?”

  Triny cracked a smile. “That diner doesn't need you to babysit it. Mac can handle it just fine.”

  Lucy crossed her arms and scowled at him. The diner wasn't the problem, it was written all over her face. She could never hide her feelings very well and the frustration, fear and hope were a tangled mess in her dark eyes.

  “What's really getting to you, Sweet Bit?” He softened his tone and tilted his head.

  Her eyes shifted to look at the ground rather than him. “I think it would be a bad idea,” she muttered.

  “Because of Blake?” he prompted, grimacing when her eyes flashed back to his with fire in them.

  “Yes, because of Blake! Isn't that obvious?” She flung her arms out to the sides in exasperation and, again, he was reminded of her mother.

  He walked a few more paces and rested his arms along the wooden fence. She joined him after several moments and they both looked out over the open prairie. He waited for her to calm down again before telling her what he knew he should have said years ago.

  “You two have always been like fire and gasoline,” Triny started. “You'd run like crazy; two rebels hell-bent on changing the world. You always reminded me of wild horses, couldn't tame either one of you, but you both kept
trying to break the other.”

  Lucy huffed, “Exactly. We're bad news, Daddy. We can't even be near each other.” She shook her head and he knew she had been with him last night. It's not that they couldn't be near each other, it's that they couldn't leave each other alone.

  “Maybe,” Triny said noncommittally. “Or maybe this is an amazing opportunity to follow your dream, and you get to do it with one of your oldest friends.”

  Lucy started to protest, but he cut her off.

  “Now, just hear me out. I've been around a little bit longer than you and I think I might know somethin'.” She smirked at him and he took a deep breath.

  “Your mama and I's biggest desire was for you to be free. To not feel trapped or caged. When she died while you were little, our lives got a whole lot more quiet. I know I didn't do as good of a job with all the girl stuff as she would have. But I taught you how to stick up for yourself and always do the right thing. And I'm proud of that... but where I messed up was in letting you go. I liked you here, I was afraid to push you away, so I let you hang around for way too long. But you have a real talent. There is no reason for you to stick around here when you can go do all the things you have always dreamed about... Blake was always saying the same thing. No matter how bad you think you are for each other, he always had your back. Don't make your decision based on your residual anger with him. Make the decision based on what you want for your future. Do you want to play in Taylor's band, or do you want to manage the diner?”

  Lucy thought for a while before answering. He could see the gears turning in her head and knew another argument was coming.

  “But ignoring the factor of Blake seems pretty irresponsible,” she pointed out. “He's a huge rock star now, I can only imagine how the ego has grown,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes. “I thought he was impossible before.”