Brand New Sky Read online

  ***

  Ryan couldn't remember the last time she had seen the stars so white. It was like looking at a dark blue felt background and watching some sort of cosmic Lite Brite display being created in front of her.

  The sounds of the others laughing and playing along the shoreline made her smile. The ocean lapping at the sand was a peaceful encore to the loud rock show that had wrapped up the hour before.

  Ryan stared up at the sky from the flat of her back, her hands laced behind her head, and she let her mind drift on the sounds of the surf. It was so peaceful. Peaceful was a place she hadn't visited in too long of a time. It was a place where her imagination met her hope. Expectations and insecurities didn't exist here. Everything was wide open and endless. Deep with possibility.

  Sway's familiar scent wafted along the gentle breeze as he laid down beside her.

  When is the moment that a person becomes a part of your life? When they're no longer new to you, but they've reached the point of belonging? Because that's where Sway was. He was in the heart of belonging in her life.

  It sounded irrational inside her head, she could only imagine what it would sound like if she said the words out loud. But it didn't feel irrational.

  Her feelings had sneakily bypassed her safety checks and were now delicately woven throughout her thought patterns. Maybe the years she'd spent trying to keep those things separate had been a complete failure. Maybe they'd been there all along and now...

  What was different about now?

  Sway.

  He pushed her buttons.

  He was an explorer. He approached everything about her like someone charting undiscovered areas of the cosmos. She felt encroached upon, but not violated. She could sense the purity of his exploration.

  And truthfully, she was discovering just as much as he was.

  She'd never met anyone who gave as much as they took. Who demanded she follow up on her own inquiries.

  It was as if...

  Her breathing picked up as all of her focus honed in on one singular realization.

  Sway wanted her to know him.

  Not just “getting to know you” type stuff that normal people do. It was possible he might not even be aware of what it was he was wanting—needing from her. But he wanted her to know him. The person he really was. He wasn't just trying to get her to open up, he was daring her to open him up too.

  Her heart pounded so hard she was afraid he'd hear it. It was an exhilarating feeling, to think that of all the women available in Sway's life, he'd chosen her to be the one to figure out his complexities. Because he was complex. Deeply so. She saw it in him right away, but she'd been so guarded by her own issues she never dreamed he would want to show anything of himself to someone like her.

  That their openness could be mutually beneficial.

  And suddenly she understood the goodness of vulnerability.

  “Sway?” she asked, disturbing the air between them.

  “Hm?”

  “You should know that you're important to me.”

  He didn't say anything. And she didn't need him to. Her sharing those words with him was for him to do with what he wanted. Her heart fluttered in satisfaction and she smiled.

  Sway rolled up onto his side, bracing an elbow in the sand, and propping his head against his hand. He looked at her for a long while before reaching out a hand and brushing a thumb along the apple of one of her cheeks.

  “I don't feel like I've earned that kind of a ranking yet.” His voice was quiet, nearly drowned out by the sounds of the ocean. If she hadn't been so attuned to him, she may have missed it.

  Only her eyes slid in his direction. The brightness of the stars highlighted the planes in his cheeks and the unusual fullness of his mouth. His blue eyes were shadowed in the dark, but she knew they were there and they were probably burning with his usual intensity.

  “Doesn't make it any less true,” she replied seriously.

  He leaned closer, infiltrating the star-filled view and creating a brand new sky.

  “I'm in over my head with you, aren't I?” he asked softly.

  “I hope not,” she whispered, her eyes drifting to his mouth, wanting to feel the weight of it on her own.

  “Of all the places I've been and the people I've met,” he took a breath and threaded his fingers deeper into her hair, “you feel the most real to me.”

  “Maybe you've just lost your mind,” she suggested cautiously.

  “Help me find it.”

  His head dipped, hot lips pressed softly to her own. They were branding, yet hesitant. His tongue brushed her bottom lip briefly. Her lips parted as she gasped at the sensation. She wasn't sure when her hands came around to push deeply into his hair, but they were there now and she pulled him closer even as her body rose to meet him.

  His mouth opened over hers and his tongue brushed her bottom lip once again before sliding into her mouth and then retreating. Ryan felt her body melt into the sand as she clung to him for dear life. Sway let his weight partially settle on her, covering her without pinning her. He took the kiss and deepened it; slow, controlled, deliberate. He explored her mouth the way he explored her thoughts. Daring one second, and tenderly the next.

  Ryan relaxed and gave into her instincts. Her reactions to Sway came naturally. Her own tongue did things she didn't know it knew how to do. And Sway's answering hum in the back of his throat told her that he enjoyed it. Which thrilled her.

  Sway's lips broke free of hers and he pressed their foreheads together with his eyes closed. Both of them were breathing hard and Ryan watched his conflict ripple across his face very visibly.

  He opened his eyes and his mouth pulled into a lopsided smile the second he saw her.

  “Wow,” he whispered.

  Ryan's whole body blushed and she tried to fight her answering grin.

  A shrill whistle from nearby alerted them to the other's presence. Sway lifted his head and glanced in that direction.

  “Looks like it's time to head back.”

  “Okay.”

  He returned his gaze to Ryan and she wished she could define the expression that he held. It was almost awe, but also a hint of fear. His eyes skated over her features as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Somewhere in his head he was having a thought she wanted him to share. But wasn't going to make him.

  He got to his feet and held his hand out to her to help her up. She took it and brushed the sand off of her backside when she'd gotten upright.

  Neither one of them said anything else. He held her hand all the way back to the hotel and to her room. Before she slid the key into the lock, Sway had slid both of his hands around her and had backed her against the door.

  His mouth was hot on her lips and she opened up for him immediately. Never one prone to being attracted to a man with longer hair, she was finding very quickly how amazing the feel of it was in her fingers, and she doubted she'd ever find kissing quite so satisfying again.

  For the first time in their relationship, she noticed her disparity in size to him. She was small in his arms. He could nearly wrap them around her twice. She felt tiny. She felt safe.

  She also felt very turned on.

  His mouth moved to her neck, waking up nerve endings she didn't know she had. She heard his heavy breathing in her ear and thrilled at his own excitement.

  Sway brought his head up and stared hard into her eyes. His hands flexed around her as his thoughts formed into words.

  “God knows I don't want to end this kiss, but its best if I do.” His voice came out with jagged edges and she knew he was probably only half agreeing with what he was saying.

  She swallowed hard and tried to steady her own breathing. “If that's what you want.”

  His eyes flared and burned and she was caught in the pull of the fire she saw there.

  “Want is easy. Need is worth waiting for,” he said cryptically.

  Ryan considered arguing with him but realized she had no idea what she'd be arguin
g for. Sex? Was she actually ready to have sex with him? This soon into it? Her body was, that was for sure. Maybe that's what he meant. They both wanted it, but they both needed something else first.

  And he was willing to wait until he got what he needed from her first.

  “Goodnight, beautiful,” he said, placing one last lingering (and sadly close-mouthed) kiss on her lips. He waited for her to go inside and lock the door before walking back down the hall to his own room. She knew that because she watched him through the peep-hole like a creeper.

  Ryan stripped out of her sand-covered clothes and took a quick shower. She did her nighttime semi-routine of moisturizer and lotion, put on her pajamas, turned off the lights, and crawled into bed.

  Where she stared at the ceiling with the same thought repeating in her head over and over again.

  What did Sway need from her?

  And what would he do once he got it?

  ***

  Sway got ready for bed alone. Knowing the whole time that he didn't have to. The look on Ryan's face said that they could be wrapped around each other right now if he'd have just asked.

  But he'd wait.

  Gladly.

  Because the freedom in her eyes held more promise than he thought possible. And that was something he'd never had before. And he needed it.

  Chapter 18

  Absence of Fear

  Ryan watched the sun break along the horizon. The colors changing, swirling, growing. Slowly at first, then all at once. She stared at its brilliance until she couldn't anymore.

  It had been too long since she'd watched the sun rise over the ocean. Her absence hadn't even been intentional—just one more thing that she'd lost when she had started building her walls brick by brick.

  She'd be lying if she said that sunrises were her favorite. She also loved sunsets. And mountain vistas. And thick forest trails. And everything.

  She loved it all.

  It was all her favorite.

  Everything about being outside the rules of convention and industry. The wide open unknown where the air got thin and the next step wasn't safe.

  And she'd been missing it.

  Her phone buzzed in her lap and she glanced away from the view to see a text from Sway on her screen. He was worried.

  She sighed and tapped out her reply.

  A few minutes later, she heard him approach her slowly from behind. Instead of sitting next to her, he sat directly behind her, a leg on each side, and wrapped his arms around her. He nuzzled her neck and inhaled deeply before resting his chin on her shoulder.

  “If you wanted to see the sunrise, all you had to do was say so.” His voice vibrated pleasantly through her back where she was pressed to his chest.

  “I know.” She smiled. “I guess I just needed to know this was all real and not some elaborate scheme you've concocted.”

  “The sunrise?” he scoffed. “You must think I'm pretty awesome if you believe I could arrange a sunrise.”

  She leaned further into his embrace and her smile grew. “I think you're capable of a great many things. Sunrises are not out of the realm of possibility.”

  His arms flexed around her and he sighed against her cheek. “Ah, I like you. I like how you think about most things, but I especially like how you think of me.”

  The way he said it made it sound like Sway wasn't used to being told he was awesome. With “Rock Star” as his official profession, she found that curious. She rested her head back along his shoulder and watched the colors continue to turn and grow and bloom along the waterline.

  “I think a great deal of you, you know.” Her words came out soft, like a prayer. Not caring if he heard them or not. She didn't want to disrupt the calm of this moment. So she spoke in the voice of her heart. “I feel like you see me. Even when I try to hide. For some reason, I can't hide from you.”

  “That's 'Radar Love,' babe.”

  It was the joke that it needed to be. It said what neither one of them should be saying yet, while still allowing them the choice to laugh at the notion.

  But neither one of them laughed.

  ***

  “And the tour is going well?”

  At that exact moment, Sway was hit in the back with a water balloon. An expletive came out of his mouth and he spun around to glare at Blake, who was looking in the opposite direction but couldn't wipe the smirk off of his face.

  “Sway?” Alexa called through the phone, pulling him back to the conversation.

  “Yeah, sorry. I'm here. What was the question?”

  Alexa's light laugh on the other end of the line made him smile. “Tour shenanigans?” she asked.

  “Always,” he said, hopping off of the concrete ramp and down into the alley behind their last venue.

  “I remember those days,” she said, humor in her tone. “I don't miss them.”

  Sway grinned. “C'mon, you miss them a little bit.”

  “Maybe a little,” she agreed, surprising him.

  “Remember that time Harrison used the last of your conditioner? I thought you were going to wrap his guitar around his neck.”

  “He's lucky he lived. We were in the Rockies, it was dry. I seriously considered shaving his head while he slept.”

  Sway chuckled. “Good thing I found you a new bottle right away. I always took good care of you, baby.”

  He didn't mean to say it. But then it was out there and he just stopped speaking. He was normally very careful with his terms of endearment to Alexa. She wasn't his and hadn't been for a very long time. It had just slipped out.

  “Yeah, you did,” she said softly. The line was silent for another second and Alexa cleared her throat. “I have a very excited little man who would like to talk to you.”

  Sway's heart squeezed. Life was so damn complicated sometimes. He couldn't put into words the burning in his head and chest where Alexa was involved. All he really knew was that she was a hell of a woman and he couldn't have picked a better person to have raised his son. And it hurt. Most of the time.

  Sunlight reflecting off of golden hair caught his eye and he looked up to catch Ryan getting into one of the Expeditions with Lucy. Probably going on a coffee run. She stopped when she saw him and waved, her smile the brightest thing in the alley.

  And the burning subsided.

  “Put him on,” he said into the phone.

  “Sway?”

  “Yeah, bud.”

  “Why did the T-Rex have to go to the doctor?”

  Sway smiled. The Expedition pulled out of the alley, he watched it go. “Why?”

  “Because he was Dino-SORE.”

  Sway chuckled. He loved how the bulk of their relationship building had involved cheesy jokes. It was perfect. The kid had a great sense of humor and Sway dug it.

  “When will you be back?” Miles asked with slightly curbed impatience.

  “Tomorrow night. Late. But then your folks are bringing you over to see me and you get to stay a whole two weeks.”

  “With you?”

  “Yep.” It was something Alexa had asked about a couple weeks back and Sway had jumped at the chance. She and James wanted to go on a second honeymoon and Sway was more than eager to spend more time with Miles. It was a huge step for all of them. Alexa actually trusted him to not screw up their kid too badly, and Sway actually felt ready to do more. “We'll go fishing and biking and stay up late watching movies. It'll be fun.”

  The phone clattered loudly as Miles put it down in his excitement. Sway heard him yelling in the background to his mom about how he needed to pack. He bit his bottom lip and looked to the ground.

  “You still there?” Alexa asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I think it's safe to say he's looking forward to this,” she said.

  “Good.”

  Alexa must've heard something in that one word because she called him on it. “What's bothering you?” she asked quietly.

  Sway sighed and kicked the gravel under his sneakers. “I'm blessed with the
life of a better man.”

  She didn't respond. It was a reflection of conversations they'd had many years ago. Whenever something amazing would happen, he'd say those words to her. So she knew what they meant. Better than most.

  “You're a good man, Sway,” she said gently. “Don't ever let anyone tell you different. Not even you.”

  Sway took a deep breath and exhaled loudly over the phone. “I have no idea how to approach this, so I'll just tell you what's happening and you can tell me how not to screw it up.”

  “Oh boy,” Alexa snickered.

  “I met someone.”

  “Are you breaking up with me? Because you should know I'm married.”

  Sway smiled even as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You're such a jerk sometimes.”

  Alexa laughed, delighted with herself. “Okay, so you met someone. I'm assuming since you're telling me this, it must be relatively serious?”

  Sway smirked. Serious might be an understatement. “Yeah.”

  “And you're probably going to want to see her sometime in the next two weeks...”

  “If you don't want me introducing her to Miles yet, I won't,” Sway said hurriedly.

  Alexa clucked her tongue behind her teeth, something she did when she was thinking. “It's really up to you. I'm going to be forced to trust your judgment on this. The fact that you're asking me ahead of time kind of tells me all I need to know. I don't think you'd bring her up if you had any doubts about her.”

  “Why are you so reasonable?” Sway said with admiration.

  “I grew up playing under power lines,” came her quick reply.

  Sway couldn't help but laugh at her dry humor. “I've missed you, Lexus.”

  “Of course you did. I'm awesome. But for real, go with your gut on the introductions. Talk to your girl, see if it's something she's even ready for. Communicate with each other and don't rush anything.”

  Sway nodded. “Okay.”

  “Sway,” Alexa said, her smile evident. “You're going to be just fine.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do say so. Now, I have to go, I hear the vacuum running and I have no idea what that kid is up to now. We'll see you in a couple of days.”